“For the human soul is virtually indestructible, and the ability to rise from the ashes remains as long as the body draws breathe.” – Alice Walker
The fact of the matter is, we can choose to, at any moment, to let go of who we were in order to become what we were meant to be.
We don’t have to be tied to being a certain person.
Sure we may have worked hard to become this person. Maybe you or I went to college for 4 years and was on a path to do something that, at the time, felt right.
Or we were doing so because that was the “right thing” to do. Or that our parents, teachers or friends said we should do so and we just followed suit.
The first step on how to start over in life, is to not be judgmental about the journey. When we were younger, we were moldable.
We wanted to get it right, and we had little to go off of to base our decision.
So naturally we looked outside of ourselves for answers.
Sure we may have made the “wrong” choice at the time. And yet that doesn’t mean it was wrong for THAT us. We needed direction and we went with a certain direction.
We need to realize that everything happens for a reason. And that if we become aware in life, we can start to get on the right track. The right track on a soul level, the reason we showed up on this earth.
We just need to become aware of the discontent within our souls. To not block these feelings out.
Those gut feelings that are telling us we are not going the right direction.
If you need help with this, I created an article just for you:
This is the groundwork and framework for starting off and finding our new selves. And yet, below are a myriad of other tips that I believe can help us when we are looking on how to start over in life when you feel stuck.
15 Tips For Starting Over Effectively
Let Go of Of Being Too Old/Too Young
The tip to how to start over in your life is to do away with the notion that somehow we are too old, or even too young to do something.
Look at it this way, if someone your age has done something you want to do, then so can you!
Also, if no one has ever done the thing you want to do, then you can be the first person to ever do it! So either way, you have the chance to win and start over in life successfully.
This is simply a limiting belief that we need to be letting go of.
Even if it may feel 100 percent true to you and I, we need to ask ourselves “Is this belief serving us?”
The answer is probably not. It isn’t serving our positive belief in ourselves to change and transform into the person we want to be.
Let it go!
Let Go of Safety
We can either be safe on the shore, and never know the waves. Or we can let go our fears and venture our into the waves, explore the depths of the ocean.
Yes it may be incredibly scary to do so. And yet, our struggles define our journey.
We can either live even keel, and never venture out of your comfort zone.
Or we can commit to the rollercoaster of life. We can get on, knowing there will be highs and lows and everything in between. But the highs are going to be that much more amazing because we experienced and went through the lows.
That life will become more beautiful because we are truly LIVING.
Embrace the fear of starting over. Yes, it will be painful. Yes it will be scary. Yes it will be worth it.
You will get to the end of the fears and drama and pain, and look back on it and realize you were brave enough to go through the valley of the shadow of death, death of your old ego, and come out more beautiful and transformed than ever.
Cut Off People Who Don’t Support The Journey
When it comes down to it, when you are waking up, there still will be people who are asleep on their journey.
You will feeling disconnected and like you are breaking off from the group.
Naturally, certain people will not want you to leave them behind.
We need to be prioritizing our growth and transformation.
We need to go through it with or without those people.
They will either get it and choose to keep rolling with us and go through their own transformation, or they won’t.
Either way, we need to keep forging ahead.
Commit To The Process
We should not be going in half hearted. We need to be going in with the attitude of never going back. That the old us is dead because there is not enough life to live, living a life that isn’t congruent with the new us.
Allow yourself to awaken fully to the manifestation of your new self. Allow yourself to rise from your own old ashes.
Cut off all other possibilities of going back to the old you.
Don’t prioritize comfort, prioritize growth and the process.
Like Will Smith says:
“There’s no reason to have a plan B, because it distracts from plan A.”
Don’t Look Back
It is said, that the most successful and happy people in the world don’t look back, they only look forward in anticipation.
The fact of the matter is, that the past isn’t us anymore. It is gone and done. There is no need to stay there anymore. We are already passed through that town.
We must keep driving to our next destination.
We were only supposed to pass through it, not take residence there.
When you and I are starting out new life, we need to completely cut off from the past.
Not only do we not look back, the past also doesn’t define our new journey.
We need to be giving little to no emotional charge to it anymore. We can’t move forward fully if we have one foot in and one foot out.
Don’t Look At It as OVER
The phrase “starting over” has a feeling to it as if you failed at your first attempt at something that that you got nothing out of it.
Like it is some sort of bankruptcy or something. As if you are in ruin and somehow should feel some sort of shame.
This just isn’t the case.
You gleaned so much value on your way to your starting over.
And I am encouraging you and I to see starting over as a simple “reset”.
Let’s use the power of words to our benefit. We are resetting and our new direction in life will be forged through the strength and life lessons we learned on our way to getting off on this new exit and heading a different direction.
You are not starting over with a blank slate or doing the whole climb again. See it as how far you have come and you are simply doing something new.
Keep It To Yourself
At first, when it comes to how to start over in life, it is better for us to keep quiet about our new journey.
The less feedback about it, the better.
As feedback is only going to come in the form of peoples biases. No in a malicious way, it is just fact.
We all communicate from our own viewpoint and frames of the world. As we all have had different experiences, hold different beliefs and see the world differently.
That is completely fine. And yet, peoples perspectives can taint our journey.
If you are like me, I have let people talk me out of doing things. Maybe they had a bad experience and I let it discourage me from taking more action than I should have taken.
This can come from people with good intentions, more so than not. Although it can also come from people who tried something and it didn’t work out. So they don’t want you to succeed at it because it will reflect their own insecurities about giving up.
Regardless of whether peoples feedback is pure or not, it can get in the way of us starting over and fully committing to going in another positive direction with our lives.
Don’t Give Into Guilt
Guilt will arise when we are looking to make a change in our lives. When we are looking to switch things up.
Society in general tries to box us in. It makes us think that there is only one path to happiness, success and fulfillment.
This structure, whether pre-meditated or not, can cause us not to take action towards a life that is more fulfilling than the structure we’ve been told to follow.
Go to school, get good grades, get a good job, work there for your entire career and then retire.
Sure this probably worked great decades ago. And yet, it just doesn’t produce the same results anymore.
Plus with more options in the world, we are able to explore our passions and find more purpose in life.
But this old school way of thinking may need to go. And when we break away and have paradigm shifts, we naturally feel a sense of guilt.
Guilt coupled with fear is going to follow.
And yet, this inner turmoil, I believe, is an indicator that you are on the right path.
I am not saying that this original structure still can’t help to find your way in life. I just think it is effective for a very small amount of people in life.
Unfortunately, we are not encouraged to go outside this structure at all in our early life. We tend to think that “this is it”.
There are different routes to happiness and fulfillment. And when it comes to how to start over in life, lets let go of any guilt that may come with trying to break away from the “path” set before us.
And take pride and walk with courage onto our own path. There will be light at the end of the tunnel where the guilt will dissipate. Just keep walking.
Get In Line With Your Core Values
I am not saying what your parents, teachers, friends and other family members want. I am asking you to get real about what you really want in this life. What stands true to your inner you. Is is courage? Adventure? Love? Significance?
Hone in on 3-5 core values that this new you will stand for and stand by. This will create a sort of roadmap for your new life.
Keep them on you. Tape them on your mirrors at home. Make them your background for your phone. Let them guide you into this new land.
Permission To Explore
When you and I are starting over in your life, we need to be looking, searching and finding. And rinsing and repeating. Allow yourself to really just try things. Try everything to find the new you.
Seek and ye shall find. Knock it and it will be opened unto you. Just keep seeking and keep knocking. We will find ourselves through the action we take.
Don’t judge your new path. If it doesn’t look “successful” to the world, who cares?
First off, most people don’t even make it to this start of existence and evolution. So right there, you are already ahead of the game.
So try things, go on dates, engage with people and things the old you wouldn’t.
Exploration leads to finding.
Our lives don’t have to be bland and black and white. We can color outside the lines. We don’t have to give the right answers to the questions on the test anymore. As we are writing the tests and our answers are open to interpretation.
Don’t Fall Into the Trap People Are Thinking About You
Look, this may be blunt, but most of us think about ourselves 95% of the time or more.
So when it comes down to it, most people are just not thinking about us as much as we think they are.
So all in all, when we feel as if people are judging us for being on a new path, they are probably simply thinking about themselves. And/or jealous that we have the courage to start over.
There are a lot of people out there who want to change but will never do so, because the unknown is too scary for them. And they will regret this on their deathbed. Not you and me my friend.
Make It A Must
Starting over takes a lot of energy and a lot of breakthrough through fear and old paradigms.
It is said when something is a should, we do what is convenient. And yet when it is a must, we do what is required.
Make starting over in life a must. That you will do what it takes and go through all that you need to in order to completely start and begin anew.
Engrain it into your new identity that you are in the process of transformation and rebirth.
And if you and I do this, we will make it to the other side of what is known as “the dark night of the soul” and come out completely transformed, stepping out of our old skin.
And truly embodying our own real truth. Our transcended self will simply be what was there the whole time, we just covered it with the false self.
Identify What Made You Go Off Course In The First Place
No matter how new or long we have been on the wrong path, we went on it for a certain reason.
I know for me, I went the school and corporate world path originally because my mom said it was the best path to find success.
I love my mom dearly and didn’t want to let her down, so I just blindly went down that path.
I found out, or rather accepted about myself, years later that I was more of an entrepreneur. Since then, I have let go of seek and finding her love by going down the path she shared with me.
And guess what, she still loves me! Just as much.
We can do things out of fear that someone will not love us if we buck the system.
When it actuality, these people just want was is best for us. And are just trying to help us get the best start and find out best selves in this life.
It may take having a conversation with someone that is getting in the way of you living a new life. And after having this conversation, it can and will set you free to live the life that is on your heart, not one that was never for you.
Obstacles are the things that stand in the way of our finish line. And by getting rid of the biggest obstacles we have to starting new, the other obstacles will look like mere speed bumps instead of mountains, on the way to our new life.
Don’t Worry About Being Wrong
On our journey anew, we will feel like we are doing things wrong. This feeling is natural. We will feel this way often when we are going down a different path. We won’t feel like we are quite on the horse properly. That we are going to fall off.
And at times, we may do just that. But we can get back on just as fast as we fall off. We can fail our way forward. And we can ultimately get better with change. And change will come and feel more natural once we really get into a grove.
Be OK with drifting and go the wrong way for a bit. The fact of the matter is, again, if we keep seeking, we will find. Even it we have to go on another detour to the ultimate goal.
Hire A Life Coach
There are great people in this world who are trained at guiding something through the dark night of the soul. When there is upheaval and uprooting going on in someone’s our lives, they can help us navigate through it faster. And ultimately reach some sort of higher ground. Some flatter ground.
There is no shame in doing this. Give some thought to hiring a mentor and/or a life coach.
See Your Change As A Work In Progress
We don’t have to uproot every single area of our lives when starting over, if we don’t have to.
It can be helpful with just doing one thing at a time so that we don’t get overwhelmed.
We can maybe start by simply moving to a new home and starting new there. Or cleaning up our car or environment. This will start positive change in motion. Start doing certain things differently.
Lets tackle one thing, get some momentum and some confidence in your journey. Then we can take on bigger and more intimidating change.
Conclusion To How To Start Over In Life
So there we are my friend. I hope this acted as a guide along with helpful tips on how to begin again in life.
I would love to hear your thoughts and advice on the topic and what you have to add.
Lets chat in the comment section below about transformation and starting anew!