How To Deal With & Get Over The Fear Of Rejection

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The Fear of Rejection

The fear of rejection has had a choke hold on every single person alive at one point of another.

But the people who are able to loosen that choke hold are the people that we often times read about. Or at least live lives that aren’t dictated by fear to such a big degree.

But what have these people done to loosen this choke hold and break free from the fear of being rejected?

Below I get into the most actionable tips that many have used to do just that. Tips that can help you get over it now and in the future.

Enjoy my friends

How To overcome The Fear Of Rejection

Rip The Root Out!

We all have one big instance where we were rejected and couldn’t save face no matter how hard we tried. I know for me, I was “dumped” by a girl in 7th grade and literally couldn’t make it to the end of the day without crying. All the cool kids saw me and I was mortified. Once I identified this traumatic event, I was able to laugh at it and let it go a bit. It may be feel better about the event. Along with feel better about the possibility of getting rejected in the future. When we can laugh off times of rejection, we see we have the power to crush feelings about it. Feelings that are holding us back. So go back to the earliest time that you can remember where rejection became the big bad monster. Then let it go. This will rip the root out and start to kill off other feelings of fear related to the fear or rejection.

This can also help us get past what is referred to as pistanthropia which is a word that means the fear of trusting people because of the negative experiences we have had with romantic partners. But applies to any relationship or experience we have had.

Reshape Your Perspective About Rejection

You cannot see rejection is a bad thing. At the end of the day we are so damn scared of rejection because at a very young age, we took on rejection as a negative thing. Something happened to us that made us fear it. It could have been as simple as getting a bad grade and feeling rejected by our teachers or parents. Or telling a boy or girl that we had a crush on them and not feeling like we were ENOUGH. It could have been soul crushing for a young individuals self esteem and self worth.

It could have been a lot worse for you. But the thing is that no matter how friggin bad our relationship has been with rejection, we need to start reworking and rewiring the way we think about rejection. We need to do this in order for us to triumph over it and not let is stop us for living life. Crushing life if you will.

Because at the end of the day, most all of our fears stem from this root of fear of rejection. And the more we push past the fear, the happier we become as when we face this fear, we are facing nearly all fears in some way, shape or form.

Question your fears of being rejected. Do they really have to have this hold or even strangle on you? No they don’t. We can start seeing it as it is. Just another feeling of fear like any other fear. We are not going to die if we get rejected. Know this and start seeing it for what it is. A feeling.

Know You Tried

Every time in life when we get rejected, it sucks. But know that every time it happened, at least you tried. At least you had the courage to step into the ring. A failure is ten times more of a warrior and champion than the person who stays outside the ring and watches. Whenever a time comes up when you are need to face the fear of possible rejection, think back to a time where you acted in spite of your fear of being rejected. Even if you ended up being “rejected”, remember that you acted and you have the courage to act. By remembering those times and feeling the courage you felt at the time, you can take that same mindset when the fear of rejection comes up again.

Keep reminding yourself that by trying, you are doing more than people who are doing that are too scared to ever act. And that the only way to get past this fear, is by doing the things you are scared of. So know you have tried and keep trying.

It Is Only Feedback

This is similar to the quote by Robert Allen:

There is no failure. Only feedback.

This is true if we see it that way. Why do we see failure as failure? As the be all end all? If we are alive there is still another chance at winning. At getting up. We me see rejection as if we failed to do something right. But rejection doesn’t have to be that way.

Instead see it as a course correction that you need to make. If you are rejected by a job opportunity, do not take it on as if YOU were rejected. Just see it as them rejecting a quality you didn’t show you have or haven’t developed yet. Hence you simply need to work on delivering that quality better or integrating that quality into your life more so that you can present a better package next time.

If we see it as rejection as the end all be all. We will take it personal and will not be able to grow from it. We will remain in victim mode for good and we will let it win over us. When we don’t need to do so. We can start to see rejection as something that is just a reminder that we need to do something different. Not the end of the world.

Appreciate rejection as it is giving you the feedback that will bring you closer to the successes you are seeking that lie behind rejection.

Accept The Consequences Before Hand

We do not fear being rejected more so than we fear the consequences that go with being rejected. For example, if we get rejected on a date, we will feel super embarrassed and have to avoid seeing that person around town. But in order to crush the fear of rejection, you and I can deal with the consequences before hand. Because of the fact that none of us like to be blind sided.

If we have faced the consequences before hand and have accepted that they could happen, then we can move forward. This way if, and only if, we get rejected, we will be in a better mind space than being blindsided.

This will allow us to act more with grace instead of having the need to run and hide or have a feeling of saving face. A more productive way of dealing with the fear of rejection and rejection itself. Since rejection is part of life. But how we face it can either make or break us. And this is one of the ways we can use to not let it break us.

It’s Not You It’s Me

Often times we think of rejection as being completely personal. That it is all on us. That we are not good enough. But at the end of the day, often times rejection is just about the other person as it is you. For example if a guy asks a girl out and the girl automatically says no, it may be about her insecurities. May she feels as if she isn’t deserving of a good relationship. Or simply isn’t ready to start something as she recently got out of a bad relationship.

We need to see the other side of the person’s perspective to really get a feel for what rejection can be. It may simply be that the other person is insecure to hire you as they think you are more attractive than them or that you will outshine them. Rejection can simply be the other person pushing you away for THEIR reasons, having nothing to do with you.

When we see it this way, we get almost a sense of empathy that replaces the fear of rejection. Or taking it personal.

Just know that it can also be that the person lacks to see value in you. It can be because they are having an off day, or they don’t see value in themselves. Rejection is rarely if ever, personal.

Be Neutral

We simply cannot base our self esteem off of what reaction people give to us. Whether it is their issues or an issue with us that causes the rejection of us. At the end of the day we cannot heavily base how we feel about ourselves by how others treat or react to us. Otherwise we will be on a roller coaster ride through life. One day way high up from someone who approved of us. And the next day way down in the dumps from being rejected.

Stay neutral about rejection. Don’t get too low from it. Simply know your inner self worth and that regardless of what happens or how someone reacts to you, it will be OK because you approve of yourself.

See It As A Game

We all have a competitive side to us. We can use it to our advantage when it comes to rejection. See it as it getting you one step closer to a win. It is simply a road block on the way to the finish line. This way we won’t see it as a make or break. We will see it as a baseball player sees a long season. They play 162 games before the playoffs. Yes losing the first game sucks. But we still have 161 more chances to get us to the playoffs and ultimately win the World Series! See it as a game where you are going to win and not let the small loses along the way keep you from wanting to go all the way.

Use Another Word

Rejection has so much negative energy around it. Just saying it makes you feel worse! A good way to get over the fear of it is changing the word up when you are faced with the possibility of rejected. Simpy saying “fear of being dismissed” or “fear of being brushed off”. It can lessen how tense we feel over the feeling of possibly being rejected in the near future. There are power in words, you can either tone them up when you are trying to make a point. Or tone them down when we don’t want to be affected by them.

Slap a synonym on that baby and move forward fiercely my friends!

Because the word reject has “reject” in it. And no one wants to feel like a reject. But it isn’t implying that we are a reject. Know this. This will lessen fear or rejection because it is an action. An event that merely happened to you. It has nothing to do with defining who you are.

Know That It Is Part Of The Process

In order to get over the fear or rejection, or at least lessen the fear is to know that everyone has gone through it that has done anything great in this life. I mean can you think of one story where someone did someone great and wasn’t rejected along the way? Rejection is the universe testing to see how bad you want things. It uses it to see how serious you are about your goals and desires. See it as simply this. That it is a must to get to what you want in life. Every person that has ever gotten anything they wanted had to face rejection. But it doesn’t mean you have to stop. Don’t give it much power. Just simply say “Ok that didn’t work” and then keep moving forward. And think of this powerful quote that sums up this point finely:

“If Howard Schultz gave up after being rejected by banks 242 times, there would be no Starbucks.”

At the end of the day rejection has as much power as we give it. When we treat it as very trivial and almost meaningless, it becomes almost fun. We get rejected, it sucks for a bit, but we know we are moving forward and not letting it hinder our path towards what we want.

Journal It Out

Often times when we are stuck in our head, things are blown out of proportion. If you are having fear or rejection, journal it out. Journal out every single thought that you have about it. What could happen if things go wrong. How you will feel. How you will look. Every single thing. Also journal out how you feel afterwards. Often times we hate rejection so much because of how it makes us feel. But we can get those feelings out through journaling. This will show yourself that the pen is mightier than the sword. That you can use the pen to literally slash away feelings of rejection. So you know you will have a tool to get rid of these bad feelings quickly when rejection happens. This will make us less scared about it because we won’t have bad feelings lingering in us for long periods of time. This will help you let go of fear.

Use It To Your Advantage

The best rappers in the game use peoples disses towards them as fuel for their fire. The use it to their advantage some way and some how. The exploit a weakness in it and make the other person look like goofy for it. The same can be said for when we are rejected. It will simply point us to something that we may be lacking. Say we get rejected at a bar because we have a bad opening line. Well then we can either go home with our tail between our legs and never try again.

Or we can go home and learn the art of pick up and seduction. Which can help us with our dating game immensely. Along with pretty much every area of our personal and professional life. So see it as a way to give you tips you need to strengthen your armor and make you bullet proof. They’re rejection can become the greatest thing you need to create a better and more fulfilling life. Along with making you more valuable allowing you to move through life with more ease.

See It As Limiting Your Potential

When we fear rejection, we are simply putting limits on everything we will ever get in this life that we want. If we let it hold us back, we are missing out on an abundant life. So next time a fear of rejection comes up, ask yourself if saftey means more to you than the attainment of your goals, dreams and hearts desires. Because on the other side of fear is greatness and accomplishment.

Have A Bigger Purpose

It is often said that if your purpose is bigger than your fear, you will find a way and if it is not you will find an excuse. In order to get past the fear or rejection, we must have a purpose that is bigger than the fear that is keeping us from moving forward. If you are stuck and letting the fear stop you, your purpose isn’t big enough.

For example if you are a salesperson and want to make a lot of money, but are avoiding making phone calls, then your purpose isn’t big enough. Making money isn’t a big enough reason to move forward. So link it to something deeper. Like you want to give your children the life you never had. Or you want to retire your mother who has been working so hard all these years.

Use Mindful Meditation

There are so many benefits of meditation. One of them include helping us deal with the fear of rejection. A great article talks about the fact that the actual fear of rejection causes our brains receptors to respond as if our bodies have actually been injured. But mediation can help with the fear of rejection because it has been known to help with the controlling of anxiety along with help with our cognitive abilities. It is also known to build empathy in the mediators so we can take rejection better as we are seeing things from the other persons point of view.

A study that was published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships. The study was done out in New Zealand where college students that were in romantic realtionships completed a survey which was supposed to measure their dispositional mindfulness. Which means everyday mindfulness. All of these participants kept a diary on hand which they recorded their daily experiences all of which regarded conflict in relationship, fears of rejection along with destructive behavior. This was done over a ten day period.

The study concluded that utilizing dispositional mindfulness can protect against the detrimental effects that come out of conflicted and heightened fears having to do with rejection.

That researchers found a link between both relationship conflict and heightened fears of rejection. Along with destructive behavior towards their intimate partners. It showed that those who were utilized mindfulness lessened both of these actions.

Only Fear It Right When It Happens

Fear stacks up on itself when we keep feeling it. But there is no reason at all, whatsover to fear the possibility of rejection until the actual event. Then give it the power it deserves then. This will allow you to be more excited than in fear along with the fear won’t be as powerful as you haven’t let it build. When we are constantly in fear over something leading up to the actual event, we stack up all of the worst case scenarios that can happen. This leads to anxiety and stress that will carry into the actual event.

The more we stack up this fear, the worse we do when the event comes into our experience. So when fears of rejection come up about what you think you may get rejected about, just dismiss it as soon as possible. Just do something else or think about something else. Remind yourself that you don’t have to fear it until it is actually happening.

This is like needing to lose 300 calories a day and you can do so on the treadmill in 30 minutes, but you run 6 miles to the gym before the actual run. It is pointless to your goal and is only going to cause you to be worse in your performance when you get to the gym.

This means not talking to your friends about the event. This puts you in the mindset about how you don’t want to feel. If you are going to talk to friends and loved ones about it, then frame it in a way that would lead to you succeeding and triumphing over your fears. Talk about all the scenarios in which you see yourself winning. See your future self and how you would feel after your perfect scenario happened out of the event you are scared of.\

Keep Moving

Remember just keep moving. If you are rejected, just keep moving and persisting so you don’t think too much about how bad it was or how you looked. That way you won’t give the power to rejection that it wants. It is just like a kid who wants to control their parents. When they cry and the parent tends to it, they will keep doing this whenever they want something.

But when the parent one day just lets them whine, they eventually stop as it isn’t working for them anymore. The same is true about your fear of rejection. If we tend to it every time it wants attention, it will keep showing up. But if we don’t it won’t be as loud or come around as often.

How Would You Act If Fear Didn’t Exist?

This can be a powerful question to ask ourselves. How would you act if the fear was completely gone? It allows us to go through a process of mental imagery that is much more positive than coloring it with fear. It shows us with almost superhero-like qualities. See yourself acting without any fear. As if the word fear isn’t even in the dictionary. It can help you feel more positive and help you act more boldly in the face of possible rejection.”

Fear of Regret Or Fear Of Rejection

This one will be short, what do you want to live with. The fear or regret of NOT going for it and even having the chance of rejection. Or having the fear or rejection and pushing through it? It is your choice. But what will help you sleep good at night. Knowing you were courageous enough to push through. Or laying there feeling bad for not taking the shot? Which reminds me of the quote by Hall of Fame hockey player Wayne Gretzky

“You miss 100 percent of the shot’s you don’t take.” 

Fear of Rejection Symptoms

Fear of rejection doesn’t just affect us in the moment when we run away from the fear. It can also manifest itself in our daily lives. Below are some of the symptoms of rejection:

  1. We withdraw instead of reach out
  2. Resent people who face their fears
  3. We become people pleasers, saying YES when we mean NO and vice versa
  4. We don’t take risks in both personal and professional areas of our lives
  5. Settling for less and justifying it as being realistic. Instead of following our dreams.
  6. Freezing in stressful situations. The term grace under fire isn’t seen from people who worrying about being rejected. WE shut down instead of acting. WE turn your attention inward instead of out.
  7. Procrastination. It is better to look and feel busy than get a bad reaction.
  8. Super controlling. The person in chronic fear of rejection micromanages along with wants to be in control of every single aspect of their lives.
  9. You don’t speak your mind for fear of being rejected.
  10. Your immune system is weakened.

81 Quotes About Rejection (Rejection Quotes)

    1. It is not rejection itself that people, it is the possible consequences of rejection. Preparing to accept that those consequences and viewing of rejection as learning experience that will bring you closer to success, will not only help you conquer the fear or rejection, but help you appreciation rejection itself.” – Bo Bennett

    2. “Rejection doesn’t mean you’re not good enough. It just means the other person doesn’t realize that you have to offer.”

    3. “If you live for people’s acceptance, you will die from their rejection.” – Lecrae

    4. “Every time I thought I was being rejected from something good, I was actually being re-directed to something better.” – Dr. Steve Maraboli

    5. “Most fears of rejection rest on the desire for approval from other people. Don’t base your self-esteem on their opinions.” – Harvey Mackay

    6. “I take rejection as someone blowing a bugle in my ear to wake up and get going, rather than retreat.” – Sylvester Stallone

    7. “The fear of rejection kind of stunts your growth as a person. I mean, it’s like a friend of mind who says, who cares is you fail? Who cares if you fail? It’s like babies trying to walk all the time and keep falling down. If we just gave up, we’d all be crawling around.” – John Rzeznik

    8. “A boy proposed to a girl, she rejected. He was not sad. His friends asked him why he didn’t feel sad. Boy said – “Why should I be said, I have lost someone who didn’t love me. But she’s lost someone who loved her.””

    9. “Have you ever denied your feelings for someone because your fear of rejection is too hard to handle? We tell lies when we are afraid.”

    10. “Following your hear means allowing the possibility of finding true love to be stronger than the fear of rejection.” – Susane Colasanti

    11. “Refuse to let the fear of rejection hold you back. Remember, rejection is never personal.” -Brian Tracy

    12. “When you give yourself permission to communicate what matters to you in every situation, you will have peace despite rejection or disapproval. Putting a voice to your soul helps you let go of the negative energy of fear and regret.” – Shannon L. Adler

    13. “Do not every quit out of fear of rejection.” – J.K. Rowling

    14. “There’s nothing to fear about rejection. It’s God’s protection and a nudge in a better direction.”

    15. “We fear rejection. Want some attention. Crave for affection and dream of perfection.” – Niharika

    16. “Don’t be upset when people reject you. Nice things are rejected all the time by people who can’t afford them.”

    17. “A rejection is nothing more than a necessary step in the pursuit of success.” – Bo Bennett

    18. “Everyone at some point in life have faced rejection and failure, it’s part of the process of self realization.” – Lailah Gifty Akita

    19. “If your dream is worthy, you will have obstacles along the way and will face rejection from time to time. Just make sure that the rejection doesn’t come from you.” – Darren Poke

    20. “Rejection puts you out of your comfort zone which is usually when you’re at your best.” – Stewart Stafford

    21. “To be rejected by someone doesn’t mean that you should also reject yourself or that you should think of yourself as a lesser person. It’s their loss to lose you, not yours.”

    22. “Rejection and the fear of rejection is the biggest impediment we face to choosing ourselves.” – James Altucher

    23. “Rejection is not fatal, it is merely someone’s opinion.”

    24. “The fear of not getting the reward becomes the fear of rejection. The fear of not being good enough, is what makes us try to change, what makes us create an image.” – Miguel Angel Ruiz

    25. “The better you are at communicating, negotiating and handling your fear or rejection, the easier life is.” – Robert Kiyosaki

    26. “You need to develop, somehow, a huge amount of faith and confidence in yourself, because there’s a lot of rejection throughout life and you have to believe in yourself more than anyone else.” – Stephen Collins

    27. “The fear or rejection prevents connection, and the only way to getrid of fear is to do the thing you fear the most.” – Rick Warren

    28. “The fear or rejection puts a ceiling on your dreams, locks doors of opportunity, and traps you inside vicious cycles of insanity.”

    29. “I don’t know why we put things off, but if I had to guess, I’d say it had a lot to do with fear. Fear of failure. Fear of rejection. Sometimes the fear is just of making a decision, because what if you’re wrong. What if you make a mistake you can’t undo.” – Meredith Grey

    30. “Stripped of all their masquerades, the fears of men are quite identical. The fear of loneliness, rejection, inferiority, unmanageable anger, illness and death.” – Joshua L. Liebman

    31. “I’ve been rejected but I am still in love.” – Steve Jobs

    32. “I believe that we overcome the fear or rejection when glorifying God is foremost on our minds and in our hearts.” – Sharon Jaynes

    33. “Learn how to handle rejection, work hard, and function outside or your comfort zone. Success will be yours.” – Gonzo

    34. “I consider your rejection a lucky charm, because everything that ever happened in my life came on the heels of failure.”- Barbara Corcoran

    35. “The fear or rejection is worse than rejection itself.” – Nora Profit

    36. “See rejection as redirection.”

    37. “Rejection is the reason why people deny their true feelings.”

    38. “Rejection is not someone wanting you out of their life. Rejection is someone that God wanted out of your life.”

    39. “Live your life for you, not for anyone else. Don’t let the fear or being judged, rejected or disliked stop you from being yourself.” – Sonya Parker

    40. “To overcome a fear, here’s all you have to do, realize the fear is there, and do the action you fear anyway.” – Peter McWilliams

    41. “Stop being so scared of the unknown and start being scared of never knowing.”

    42. “Don’t let the hurt that someone else caused be the reason why you reject the love that someone wants to give you. Never make a person pay for mistake they didn’t make.” – Trent Shelton

    43. “Once you forgive yourself, the self-rejection in your mind is over. Self-acceptance begins, and the self-love will grow so strong that you will finally accept yourself just the way you are. That’s the beginning of the free human. Forgiveness is the key.” – Miguel Angel Ruiz

    44. “Much more prevalent than physical fear is the fear of criticism, rejection, and verbal opposition.”-  Derek A. Cuthbert

    45. “The fear of criticism is at the bottom of the destruction of most ideas which never reach the planning and action state.” – Napoleon Hill

    46. “I don’t really have disappointments I build myself up for rejection.” – Nicholas Hoult

    47. “If you don’t step forward you will always be in the same place.”

    48. “Following your heart means allowing the possibility of finding true love to be stronger than the fear of rejection.”

    49. “I wasn’t like “I want to be famous’ – I just wanted to be an actor. I wasn’t chasing anything. I was never stressed or worried. I never had any fear of rejection or not making it, anything like it.” – Sean Harris

    50. “Sometimes people can’t love you because they don’t love themselves.” – Cindy Annehbu

    51. “A clear rejection is better than a fake promise.” 

    52. “Don’t fear rejection, reject fear.” 

    53. “Unconditionally supporting someone we love and not trying to help them do better is not love, it is selfishly putting our fear of rejection above the best interests of the person we claim to love.” 

    54. “There’s nothing to fear about rejection. It’s a nudge in a better direction.” 

    55. “Never fear rejection. Fear a life of regretting.”

    56. “If you do not fear rejection, than you are free to take risks.’ – Art Hochberg

    57. “Have you ever denied your feelings for someone because your fear of rejection is too hard to handle? We tell likes when we are afraid.”

    58. “Don’t let the fear of what could happen make nothing happen.”

    59. “Rejection is a common occurrence. Learning that early and often will help you build up the tolerance and resistance to keep going and keep trying.” – Kevin Feige

    60. “It’s the fear of rejection that shields us with negativity and holds us back, even from trying. Ironically, it’s rejection only that gives us the push to try harder the next time.”

    61. “We are always afraid to ask because we aren’t afraid of the answer. But the feeling of rejection.”

    62. “Attitude, humor and action (persistence) will whip fears and rejection. Fear of failure doesn’t exist, if you believe it doesn’t.” – Jeffrey Gitomer

    63. “Do not fear ridicule or rejection, fear the consequence of an unlived life that comes from not expressing yourself or pursuing your own path.” – Brandon Burchard

    64. “The greatest trap in our life is not success, popularity or power, but self-rejection.” – Henri Nouwen

    65. “Success is buried on the other side of rejection.” – Tony Robbins

    66. “I always feel like rejection is my petrol. That’s what keeps me going.” 

    67. “You’re going to have more rejection than acceptance.” – Barry Mann

    68. “I love my rejection slips. They show me I try.” – Sylvia Plath

    69. “There is no point in dwelling on rejection.” – Isabel Lucas

    70. “Don’t let anyone or any rejection keep you from what you want.” – Ashley Tisdale

    71. “Rejection gives you more power to push forward.” – Jeremy Limn

    72. “Human rejection can be God’s diving protection.”  – Paula Hendricks

    73. “I think that you have to believe in your destiny, that you will succeed, you will meet a lot of rejection, and it is not always a straight path, there will be detours, so enjoy the view.” – Michael York

    74. “There’s nothing like rejection to make you do an inventory of yourself.” – James Lee Burke

    75. “You get used to protection and you don’t take it personally.” – Daniel Craig

    76. “Learn how to handle rejection, work hard, and function outside of your comfort zone. Success will be yours.” – Gonzo Arzuaga 

    77. “Rejection is God’s protection.” – Pamela Cummins

    78. “We all learn lessons in life. Some stick, some don’t. I have always learned more from rejection and failure than from acceptance and success.” – Henry Rollins

    79. “The biggest hurdle is rejection. Any business you start, be ready for it. The difference between successful people and unsuccessful people is the successful people do all the things the unsuccessful people don’t want to do. When 10 doors are slammed in your face, go to door number 11 enthusiastically, with a smile on your face. – John Paul DeJoria

    80. “Rejection is a challenge.” – Veronica Purcell

    81. “Every rejection is incremental payment on your dues that in some way will be translated back into your work.” – James Lee Burke

Conclusion To Fear of Rejection Phobia

So there you are my friends. I truly hope you enjoyed this article and got value out of it. When it comes to beating the fear or rejection, there are ways, and now you know them. You can use them to help you get over the fear of rejection in a relationship, fear or rejection in dating and in your work life.

Always remember to keep working on yourself in the process as this will help you build a tough exterior to where fear won’t affect you as much. As the more we believe and like ourselves, the more courage we will have. Also the less rejection we will experience. Because when it comes down to it, the more we like ourselves, the more people like us. As how we treat and feel about ourselves is how we treat and feel about others.

Share with me what your favorite tip was. As well as if you have anything to add! Let’s talk in the comment section below!

Peace my friends

 

Chris

 

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